Broken Hearts and Angels
by TheMaraudersAreUpToNoGood
Summary: Their hearts ached, the empty spaces cold beside them. This is a little fanfic about how Malec broke apart and how they got back together, my way. Post CoLS
1. holding on

Dark clouds were approaching with the definitive promise of rain, rolling over the blue sky in a thick blanket. In the distance sheets of rain could be seen, drenching the earth and heading towards the city at a steady pace. The warning wind played with the fallen leaves, dancing them down the sidewalks and between pedestrian's feet.

The door clicked, unlocking itself at the turn of his key. Pushing the door open, Magnus silently stepped inside, kicking his shoes off and dropping them next to the doormat. His apartment was dimly lit, the curtains draping and concealing the light from his living room. Objects lay discarded here and there and Magnus made no effort to pick any of them up, instead flopping down onto the couch with a sigh.

Piles of magazines were stacked on his coffee table and as Magnus gazed upon them, he spotted something hanging on the other side of the room. It was a black leather jacket, worn at the elbows of the sleeves, draped over the coat hook. Instantly Magnus recognised it as Alec's demon hunting gear and his yellow cat eyes flicked over to the dining table. But where there should have been a silver key was only empty air and polished wood.

Cursing under his breath Magnus leapt from the couch and stalked into his room, only to find that nothing had changed. But that seemed to be the problem. Alec's stuff remained in its place, exactly where the young shadow hunter had left it. A bit of relief floated into Magnus' heart, but he instantly brushed it aside with anger and pain. He had specifically told Alec to that he wanted his stuff gone, but it seemed that the young man hadn't obeyed. Running a hand through his hair Magnus sighed exasperatedly, shaking his head in disbelief. He should have known something like this was going to happen as it had all been too easy.

"Bloody Shadowhunters," Magnus muttered darkly, dropping down onto the bed as he had done before on the couch.

His long fingers fiddled with the many colourful and decorated sheets that coated the mattress and his eyes traced over the cracks in the ceiling. In the lounge he could hear the sound of soft padded footprints, indicating the Chairman Meow had obviously exited his hiding place. The small feline sprang onto the bed next to his owner, rubbing his head affectionately against Magnus' leg. But the warlock wasn't paying attention. His mind was too busy reeling over the events from earlier that day. He remembered waking up to an empty bed and how his heart had been in his mouth all the way to the old and abandoned train station, hoping to god that Camille had been lying. But no. When he had caught sight of Alec in the shine of his witchlight his body and blood had run cold. Magnus didn't think it was even possible for him to have felt more betrayed in that moment.

Chairman purred softly, curling into the crook of Magnus' neck, his soft fur tickling the delicate skin of the warlock.

"How could he do it?" Magnus whispered softly, turning his head towards his cat." How? I thought that it was going to all be fine and that his mood was just a stage he had to go through. Why did he go behind my back? Why did he have to go to Camille?"

Chairman just stared back at Magnus impassively, his cat eyes fixed on the warlocks glitterless face. But his attention soon switched to the thin lacing of the purple sheet, pawing at the fabric playfully. Magnus sighed again, his gaze returning to the ceiling. Despite the presence of his cat, he had never felt more alone. The emptiness consuming his body and soul. There was supposed to be a body next to his; a body with black hair and stunning blue eyes, a magical and unique combination of features. But beside him was only empty, cold sheets and a small cat that wasn't paying attention and Magnus' chest ached.

"Oh Alec," he murmured softly, the name tasting sweet on his tongue and sending a new jolt of pain into his heart like a spear.

* * *

The institute loomed ahead in all its glory, the roof reaching for the stars shining above. Down below, on the ground where everything was much less beautiful, late night strollers walked causally past, unaware of the world among theirs. Alec approached the doors with slouched shoulders, his feet scuffing against the stairs sulkily as his black hair hung in his eyes. For the past five hours he had been wondering around the city aimlessly, drowning in his own regret and pain. It felt like a demon claw had pierced his heart, squeezing and crushing the vital organ with ease. And now, the only thing left was a dark hole, a gap that couldn't possibly be healed or filled.

The doors creaked on their hinges as the locks opened, the glowing light from within spitting onto the ground. The tiled ground beneath his feet amplified his footsteps, making him cringe as he wished to go unnoticed. All Alec wanted was to shower and disappear underneath the covers of his bed so that he didn't have to look at the world that seemed emptier than ever. Alec's muscles ached from the constant tensing and clenching as he had tried and succeeded to keep his emotions at bay, but he knew his walls wouldn't hold against the tide of feelings.

As he passed the kitchen, the clatter of dishes caught his attention and he peeked past the wooden doors to see Isabelle ruffling around in the draws. She was dressed in her usual day wear; a tight fitting jumper and a pair of black leggings, her hair tied back in a long black plait. Rising, she spotted him before he could disappear and she stared at him quizzically.

"And where have you been?" asked Isabelle, placing a small bowl on the counter top and crossing her arms." I haven't seen you all day and I don't think I heard you coming back last night either."

"Just out," was all Alec said in return, turning on his heel in hope to escape anymore unwanted questions. But he should have known that Isabelle wasn't going to give up fast.

"Just out as in Magnus' or just out as in...?" she trailed off, her head tilting slightly to the side as her mouth pulled into a suggestive smile.

"Just out as in walking around the city," Alec muttered over his shoulder, his back tense with nervousness.

Isabelle regarded him curiously before reaching into the cupboard and retrieving a can of soup, her brows knitting themselves together." Have you by any chance seen Jace and Clary? I thought that she might be training and he might be hanging about somewhere but neither has popped up. Want any?" she held the can up for him to see." I don't know how old it is but I'm hungry for soup and something warm since it's freezing outside," she asked, pulling out a dagger and dangerously carved off the tin lid." I think its tomato but I can't really tell because the wards on the label have faded. Oh well, I'll find out soon."

Alec only shook his head loosely, disappearing out the door and slouching down the corridor with a heavy heart and feet that felt like they had been replaced with lead. Minutes later he pushed into the door of his room, not even bothering with the lights. Clothes hung limply over the head board of his bed, a few objects carelessly lying on the floor, waiting for an unexpected victim to trip. But Alec navigated through easily, snatching up his pyjama bottoms and ducking into the bathroom.

The hot water instantly cleared the problem of his tense muscles and for a moment it softened the pain. Of course, this didn't last long as all, and the feeling of a thousand needles stabbing his heart returned. He leant against the shower wall, his head lolling lazily against his shoulder. Over the rushing water he could hear the thrumming of rain on the window, the drops banging insistently against the glass. Shutting off the tap Alec dried himself off quickly and pulled on his pants, combing his hands through his damp hair. He felt oddly numb. He seemed to be in autopilot, his body doing everything for him without his brain even commanding first hand. But it didn't stop the physical pain in his chest and he inwardly clenched.

The mattress felt uncomfortable for the first time against his back, the sheets like ice against the bare skin of his chest and back. Resting his head against the pillow Alec closed his eyes, only to be welcomed by the unwanted images he wished would leave him alone. Camille with her long beautiful hair and cunning smile, Magnus' distant and cold look back in the train tunnel, Maureen's girly giggle and mischievous smile, Magnus turning away from him. It was all too much to bare and Alec' hands grasped the sheets tightly, his knuckles turning white. A metallic taste plagued his mouth and he realised that her had bitten his lip, washing his tongue in scarlet blood. He swallowed once and squeezed his eyes shut tightly, trying to desperately to sleep.

But no matter how hard he tried, the images wouldn't leave, playing over and over like a tragic and haunting movie. And against his own will, a tear escaped his lids and ran down his cheek, dropping off his jaw and onto his neck.

"Ah!" he growled, slamming his fist into the mattress which sprung right back intp shape, unaffected by his assault.

How could he have been so stupid? Why had he even considered shortening Magnus' life?_ It's because you're selfish,_ a snarky voice snarled inside his mind, causing him to slam another punch down._ It's because you're weak and insecure and you needed reassurance that you were good enough, when the fact was that you weren't._ Another tear escaped and Alec swiped it away furiously, commanding the water to stop. But it didn't and it wouldn't and suddenly the tears were rolling one after the other, disappearing into his hair or dripping onto the mattress.

Alec rolled over angrily, try desperately again to sleep, willing the darkness to take over and make him numb. But all he could sense was the rain beating hard outside and the gust of wind rattling some loose metal piece. Why won't it stop? Why did it have to be like this? Why couldn't Alec just be happy and normal, appreciating what he had when he had had it? Instead he had to go off and ruin the one thing that made him happy and carefree. Magnus' provocative smirk, Magnus' loving cat eyed gaze, Magnus' light laughter. It was unbearable.

Alec her the tell tale sound of the door clicking open, followed by a sliver of light dashing across the floor and up the wall. It disappeared as footsteps approached and the mattress dipped under the weight of a person. Isabelle shuffled closer to Alec, laying a delicate yet strong hand on his shoulder, comfortingly stroking circles. Alec sighed deeply, his blue eyes staring at the wall in front of him impassively. The tears had stopped now, thankfully, and he was left again in emptiness. It was like standing in a dark place, where you would scream and shout but all you could hear was the echo of your own panicked voice.

Isabelle turned Alec over so that he was lying on his back again before lying down beside him and resting her head on his strong shoulder. She adjusted the blanket on his body, pulling it higher to that it tucked under his chin.

"Are you going to tell me what's up or am I going to have to guess?" when Alec remained silent she sighed." This isn't like you Alec, you aren't usually this distant."

"I haven't had a reason before," he answered, his voice a croaky whisper. It wasn't supposed to sound weak; his voice was meant to be strong and defined.

Isabelle raised her eyes to his face, the blue orbs filled with concern and worry for her sibling." Is it about Magnus? Did you guys have a fight or something?"

Alec had tried his best not to flinch, but at the mention of _his_ name, his body had done it in a unwanted reaction. He'd hoped Isabelle wouldn't notice but since she was lying so close, she had picked up on the way his muscles tensed.

The questions hung in the air, drifting around their heads and in and out of their ears, baiting them for an answer. Isabelle reached up and pushed a strand of Alec's black hair out of his face, tucking it behind his ear. Such a sweet gesture reminded him of the way Magnus used to hold him, pushing the hair from his face just as his sister had done. Fighting back to lump in his throat Alec coughed quietly into his hand.

"He doesn't want me around anymore," he whispered, the sound barely reaching Isabelle's ears.

At this new information she raised her head, her brow furrowing quizzically." What do you mean? Of course he'd want you around."

Alec shook his head sadly." Not anymore. He, uh, broke up with m-"Alec choked, the words stuck I his throat as his heart pierced with pain. It made him cringe and grit his teeth painfully, the muscles in his jaw jumping into action.

"What?" his sister gasped, her mouth flying open just like her eyes." But I- I thought... why would he do that?"

Alec gulped, knowing he should tell her but fearing the outcome. But what else did he have to lose?" it wasn't his fault; he had perfectly good reasons to do what he did."

"And what were these good reasons?" Isabelle asked, astonished.

"I did something... I was considering... but I wasn't going to do it... I couldn't do something like that," Alec stuttered, trying to form the right sentence so that his sister would understand. But the words clogged his throat, burning his mouth and stilling his tongue.

"Just spit it out already," said Isabelle, resting her head against his shoulder again.

Sighing heavily and swallowing the saliva in his mouth Alec said," Camille asked me to meet her once and she told me that Magnus and I wouldn't last long. I was desperate and when I found out there is no... Good way in becoming immortal she offered a different alternative," Alec stopped, his heart beating so demandingly that he knew Isabelle noticed." She said she knew a spell that could make Magnus mortal and that she herself would cast it without a mention of me. but in return I was supposed to kill Raphael which I didn't. But instead of just telling her no I kept visiting her because... because she was the key to Magnus' past."

By now Isabelle was staring at her brother with a look of both sorrow and anger, her mouth hanging slightly open as if she was about to say something. But Alec pushed on while he could, hoping to get everything out before the words would choke him again.

"I would ask her questions and she would tell me the answers. But since I was selfish, they were never enough. Camille told me that I had to decide whether to go through with casting the spell. When I went to meet her this morning Magnus followed me," Alec's voice cracked on the name, but he continued," Camille had told him about the spell and our meetings. I have never seen him look so distant before. He told me he didn't want to see me or any of you ever again and that he was done with being the Clave's pet warlock."

The room when silent as he finished with his explanation and Alec took a deep shuddered breath. The rain outside hadn't eased of and had only seemed to be more insistent to enter. Soon there would be thunder followed by the clap of lightning, illuminating the streets further below. Beside his bed, Alec's alarm clock read eleven twenty eight, the glowing green numbers visible in the darkness of the bedroom.

"Oh Alec, sometimes you are just so stupid," Isabelle sighed, her voice barely louder than a whisper.

Alec nodded faintly, shifting awkwardly under the blankets. The pain had eased slightly but it was still present and sore, tearing his heart bit by bit. Next to him Isabelle moved, pulling the blanket out from under her and tucking it over her feminine so that she lay next to him. Her hand searched for his, entwining their fingers and reminding Alec of the day when they were young, afraid of the nightmares that plagued their sleep.

"Go to sleep Alec, it will have all cleared in the morning," she murmured, closing her own eyes as he breathing became calmer.

But Alec couldn't sleep. He lay awake, his eyes tracing over the familiar patterns of the ceiling, darting from crack to crack. His mind played over images as he tried to shut it off, wishing for sleep to overtake him. But all Alec could see was Magnus. The feeling of sleeping next to him and waking up in a tangle of limbs, the sheets wrapped around them like vines. The steady beating of his heart and the warmth of his body against Alec's, his laugh and smile. They were all too painful to remember but they wouldn't stop._ Why was I so stupid?_

**So this is my First Malec fanfic that will hopefully progress into further chapters if I find the time between writing my other fanfic and doing whatever I do (Their story: **_Remus and Tonks)_

**Please review because positive feedback urges me on and makes my day, thank you J**


	2. Keeping it together

_Meow_

"Stop it."

_Meow._

"Chairman I'm not in the mood," Magnus muttered at the small feline that was swiping its paw through his spiky black hair. But the cat was insistent, trying to get the message across to his owner that he was hungry.

Groaning loudly Magnus untangled himself from the sheets and padded across the ground, the cold floor cooling the soles of his feet. The rain had stopped two days after it had begun, but the droplets still clung to the windowsills and ledges outside. Reaching up into the cupboard Magnus retrieved a small can of cat food and magically opened it with a simple flick of his hand. He absentmindedly poured into the bowl on the ground before tossing it effortlessly into the sink.

With that done he returned to his room, dropping like lead into the welcoming sheets and closing his eyes. Today Magnus was feeling particularly awful, his mind blurred and his body tired. The only thing that he wanted to do was sleep, ignoring the world fully. Lately he had only visited two patients, not having the mood to help any more. With enough money to last him a few weeks from those two people, Magnus decided to stay home and order anything he needed from the phone.

So far his plan was working, but sometimes the loneliness was overwhelming and he would find himself with the phone in his hand. But every time he wouldn't know who to call so instead he'd just stare at it until finally placing it back on the receiver when the battery was empty.

A beeping noise called out in the room and Magnus' arm swiped lazily at his antique alarm clock, successively hitting the button but also knocking it to the ground. It hit the floor with a clang, the ticking abruptly stopping. Magnus peered over the edge of the mattress. Next to the clock was a piece of paper, crumpled at the sides and creased in the middle. He slowly reached out and picked off the floor gingerly, turning it over in his hand.

His breath hitched when he recognised the photo of him and Alec in front of the Eifel Tower, identical grins on both their faces. Alec's arm was slung lazily around Magnus' waist while his own hung off the shadowhunter's sculptured shoulders. His heart ached as he stared at the pure happiness on their faces so he immediately shoved the photo under his pillow and out of sight.

* * *

When Alec woke up the next morning to a blinding light he noticed that the space beside him on the mattress was missing and that the curtains had been peeled back. The morning light shone over the floor and straight into his eyes, making him screw his eyes shut and roll over, groaning. The city below was already alive, buzzing loudly with traffic and busy people who were getting on with their lives, unaware of the danger approaching.

But Alec wasn't thinking or worrying about Sebastian, too hurt and tired to care. He just wanted to get back into the normal routine, training to his heart's content. That's if there was anything left of the organ. His chest felt hollow and empty, like there was a big void where his heart should have been. Sighing heavily Alec got up and dressed, pulling a tight v-neck singlet on and his black trousers, finishing off with a pair of black sneakers.

It was only a short walk till he reached the training room, fortunately finding it empty and unused. Alec instantly grabbed a handful of knives and daggers from the bench, sticking them into his belt and thigh holster. In the middle of the room was a platform, which he steadied himself on and eyed the targets in front of him. Taking a deep breath he closed his eyes briefly, shutting out everything else and only imagining the targets. When his eyes opened again a dagger was firmly gripped in his gloved hands and he hurled it towards his closest victim. Spinning through the air expertly it missed the target by inches.

For a moment Alec stood there, a quizzical and frustrated look plain on his face. He had never missed before, always managing to at least hit the stationary target. Alec took a second dagger from his belt and flipped it over in his hand, eyeing the silver blade and the black neatly carved handle. Arching his arm back he hurled the second weapon, a grunt escaping his throat as he threw it. Again it raced towards the target, missing it by several centimetres this time.

Growling in disapproval Alec took the knife from his thigh holster and threw it as hard as he could. But when this one missed to he threw another. And another, and another. His breathing was harsh, his chest rising and falling rapidly as he threw knife after dagger. But none of them hit any of the targets.

He shouted a curse in frustration and with the last dagger, drove it into the targets circle. Alec didn't realise he had moved across the room, nor did he care. Why hadn't any of his throws hit home? What was happening to him? His heart was beating rapidly and he closed his eyes again, willing himself to calm down.

Once he had, Alec gathered up all the knives and daggers, placing them back onto the bench in perfect order, largest to smallest. Next he picked up a bow and a sheath of arrows, slinging it over his shoulders and climbing onto the ladder leading to the beams above his head. One foot in front of the other on the metal rail, he pulled an arrow from his back and lined it up tightly, pulling the string back with ease. Just like he had done with the knife, Alec breathed deeply and cleared his mind, focusing on the targets below and in front of him.

The arrow released, darting towards the target and hitting it on the rim, barely staying in. It clattered to the floor, Alec's blue gaze following it with nothing but hatred. Why wasn't he hitting anything? Spinning on his heel and at the same time pulling another arrow, he shot at the target directly behind him, missing it by an inch.

Cursing he repeated the action again, letting the arrow fly at a target below. It missed too, hitting the concrete floor with a clink and skating across it surface. Again Alec fired, but the arrows seemed to take their own direction, as if a shield was protecting each of the coloured targets. Alec wanted to scream in frustration but he continued to shoot until he reached behind his back to find he had used every arrow. Angrily he flipped off the beam and landed perfectly on the floor in a crouch, the bow still clutched perfectly in his hand. _At least I can still stay on my feet_, he thought bitterly, placing his bow back on the rack.

Alec moved over to the course, readying himself for the workout. His feet pushed him forward and he leapt from ledge to ledge, ducking and rolling, jumping and flipping through the air as he made his way across the room. He knew the course and routine off by heart, having run through it millions of times before. Flipping off a ledge he landed in an expert crouch, rolling onto his feet and taking off again. Around and around he went, lap after lap. His body wouldn't tire but his lungs felt like they were ripping in two. But Alec pushed on, the adrenaline and numb feeling pumping through his veins like a drug, coaxing him further.

An hour later he was heading back to his room, covered in a thick layer of sweat, his clothes clinging to his skin like a second layer of flesh. His heart was still racing, pumping his blood around his body furiously as he turned the shower on and welcomed the cool feeling of the freezing water. But unfortunately his mind began to wander for the first time that day and a pair of yellow cat eyes gleamed back at him.

Alec knew that he couldn't suppress all of it for much longer and that the weight of the pain would soon fully drop on his shoulders, leaving him in a wreck. A knocking sound woke him from his thoughts and Alec shut off the water. With a towel wrapped around his waist he strolled towards the door, turning the handle and pulling it open. Alec nearly did a double take when his eyes fell on Clary, standing before him in her usual casual clothes.

"Hey Alec, Izzy, Simon and I were wondering if you wanted to come with us to Taki's for brunch," she said sweetly, a small smile on her lips.

"I'm not really hungry, but thanks for the offer," Alec replied, already moving to shut the door, only to find a small foot jammed in its way.

"Isabelle said you weren't feeling really well," said Clary, more insistently this time." It would be nice if you could come."

Alec only shook his head in reply, not looking at the girl in front of him. He didn't know what he wanted to do or where he wanted to go. All he could think of was Magnus and how the warlock had taken him on a date to that specific restaurant. It had been one of their first and most memorable outings and the memory pained Alec when he thought about it.

"Come on Alec. I know you probably still don't like me and Simon very much and this whole Sebastian thing is a little overwhelming but we need to try and have some normalcy. Please, I beg you," pleaded Clary, her brow slightly turned up in worry.

Alec considered it for a moment before finally giving in." I'll come for a bit, just let me put something on first," Clary turned to walk away but he caught her." and by the way, I don't hate you or Simon."

At that Clary smiled, nodding her head gratefully before continuing down the corridor.

The streets were busy with cars and people, even the occasional bike scooting past them as they made their way towards the restaurant. The sun was nearly directly above their heads, signalling midday, but it didn't deter them from having brunch. A man dressed in a black suit pushed past Isabelle, his shoulder knocking against Alec as he walked by. But he didn't seem to notice, his eyes trained on the pavement, his hands knotted in his clean tight brown sweater.

He absently pushed through the doors of Taki's, breathing in the aroma with a deep sigh. Alec didn't really want to be here but he knew that the others wouldn't get off his case if he had stayed back at the institute. So now here he was, sitting in the booth next to his sister who was talking excitedly to Simon and Clary, who were both staring at a menu interestingly.

Truthfully Alec wasn't hungry at all, but when the waiter turned up he ordered a small bowl of spaghetti, for his sister's sake.

"I feel bad for having to leave Jace behind," said Clary, her fingers tracing over the lines of the table.

"There isn't anything we can do for him though. It remains a mystery, even to the Silent Brothers who have been with him nearly twenty-four seven," said Simon.

Alec thought of his _Parabatai_, wishing they could swap places so that he could be alone. He felt a growing annoyance inside his chest and he tried desperately to suppress it. This was not the time to get angry.

"I still feel bad. I don't know how I would feel if I had to stay behind while you guys went off to hang out together," said Clary.

"Well he hasn't got a choice," Isabelle interjected sourly." If we could help him we would."

The table fell silent as the three searched for something to say, trying to find a topic of conversation that didn't leave a horrible feeling inside them. But in these times, that's just how it was. Alec flicked the seam of his sweater awkwardly. The idea of his bed and the silence of his room sounded like heaven, but there was no way Isabelle was going to let him go.

"What do you think Alec?" asked Isabelle, her voice light.

"Think about what?" said Alec, since he hadn't heard the question in the first place.

"About where Sebastian could be. I mean, he has to come out at some point and it's only a matter of time before he makes himself known again," she said, lowering her head so that they couldn't be heard.

"I honestly couldn't care less," muttered Alec, rising from the table.

He had enough of being around people when the only thing he wanted to do right now was find somewhere quiet. Strolling over to the door he ignored the protests of his sister and friends behind him and their voices were soon blocked out by the door.

Turning down an alleyway Alec was glad that he had remembered to stick a Seraph blade into his belt because he was prepared to kill. Somewhere he needed to realise the pent up emotions inside him before he became physically sick. Scooting down another corner he passed dumpsters and stray cats, watching him with weary eyes and hissing aggressively if he came too close. But Alec was not paying attention to them. He let his body relax, trying to pick up the smallest sign of demons from the air; their foul smell or the strange haze they left behind.

His feet took him further into an unknown direction, guiding him towards what looked like an old warehouse. Old strips of metal had been bent and peeled back, the paint scratched and scraped. It creaked in the breeze and groaned from the heavier gusts. The foul smell was already thicker even though Alec hadn't even opened the door yet. It creaked on its hinges and dragged along the ground when he pushed it, making more noise than he would have preferred.

Stepping in silently, Alec slid along the wall, letting his instincts run wild. Already his blood was pumping through his veins and the back of his neck prickled with excitement. He felt alive.

From about fifty meters away he heard the sound of a gurgle-growl, a sound unlike any animal known to this world. Alec pulled the blade from his pocket and whispered its name, gazing at him fixatedly as it glowed brightly like a new born star.

Old crates and shipping bags blocked his view but all the signs were shouting at him clearly. With one final deep breath he leapt around the corner and came face to face with an Iblis demon, just like the ones he had faced in Idris. It snarled at him, a sound that haunted most children's nightmares and made them fear the dark, its eyes bright and burning.

A second later Alec leapt into action, slicing the blade forward with a swift movement and scraping it across the body of the demon. It screeched in pane and lunged forwards itself, clawing at him but to no avail. Alec easily dodged it, vaulting expertly over a rickety crate and landing back on his feet. The demon was right behind him, snarling and growling, thrashing forward.

Again Alec slashed the blade; successfully removing one of the demon's clawed hand. He brought the blade down again and again, sometimes missing when it dodged out of his reach. With a large amount of energy and adrenaline Alec pushed off his feet and leapt toward the demon again. for a moment it looked like it was going to dodge and Alec prepared to land in a crouch. But the demon lashed out with a long claw and slashed down Alec's chest, leaving behind a long diagonal cut.

"Ah!" Alec cried, landing clumsily on the ground and clutching his now scarlet chest. Blood was gushing from the wound, staining his jumper as it spread quickly.

Alec leapt back onto his feet and with a new found rage lashed out; striking the demon across what he supposed was its face. The Iblis demon screeched horribly and for the moment it was distracted Alec plunged the blade forward, grunting darkly as he embedded it into the demon's chest.

* * *

The demon blood had been difficult to scrub off but eventually Alec had managed, ridding his body of the stinging liquid. The hot water relaxed his tense muscles and cleaned the blood away from his chest. Luckily the demon hadn't poisoned him so he wouldn't have to explain himself to his sister.

Pulling on a black hooded jersey and grey sweatpants Alec ran his hands through his wet hair, noticing its length for the first time. He would have to ask his mother to cut it someday soon, since a few strands were hanging annoyingly in front of his eyes.

Alec's room was dark since he preferred not to turn the light on, but moonlight poured through the windows and onto the ground. He had arrived back at the institute late, skipping dinner for a hot shower. At the time he hadn't been hungry but now he could feel the emptiness in his stomach.

The tiles were chilly under his bare feet as Alec made his way to the kitchens, taking light steps so as to go unnoticed. Portraits stared down at him with still expressions as he passed by, giving him a shivering feeling as if they were really watching him. The institute was quieter than usual and Alec suspected that some people had already gone to bed although it was only in the early hours of the evening.

In the kitchen he found a bun and decided to spread it with honey from the cupboard. As usual the kitchen was tidy and unused. _They must have ordered dinner,_ Alec thought to himself as he took a bite from the bun. Not feeling the least bit tired Alec headed towards a place where he knew he would be alone.

The gardens were quiet; the only sound disturbing the silence was that of Alec's footsteps. Around him the flowers stood beautifully, varying in different shapes, sizes and colours. Alec remembered the first time Hodge had shown them this place, late at night when the magic really begun. Personally Alec had never really found a connection to the beauty, unlike Jace, but he needed somewhere to think, away from the company of his family.

Sitting down on the garden bench he sighed heavily, pulling the stele from his pocket. It felt so familiar in his hand, the same as it had always felt; reassuring. Everything around him was changing; a war was approaching, they were being constantly threatened, but the simple things stayed as they were.

Alec gathered up the hem of his shirt and lifted it to expose the wound on his chest. It had stopped bleeding but the flesh was still fresh and it stung when he moved. Bringing the tip of the stele to his chest, Alec began to draw the healing rune, sighing deeply as he felt its affect.

"I had a feeling you'd be up here," came a voice from beside him.

Alec looked up to see Clary, pencil and sketchpad in hand." It's one of the only places where nobody really visits anymore," he replied simply.

"I don't get why though, it's so beautiful," Clary sat down next to him, much to his annoyance.

"What are you doing up here?"

"I needed something to take my mind off things and that usually means drawing so I thought 'why not come up here and draw the flowers?'" said Clary, gesturing with her small hand to the garden." Why are you up here?"

"I wanted to be alone and have somewhere to think where it's quiet," he huffed, leaning back and folding his arms over his chest.

"About Magnus?"

The name struck him hard in the chest and Alec inwardly winced. So far he had been able to avoid thinking about the subject of his ex-boyfriend but of course, it would have popped up eventually.

"I think it's kinda funny how we are all having relationship problems right now," Clary mused, her mouth pulling into a small and unsure smile.

"I don't have a relationship to have problems with anymore," Alec muttered darkly.

"I think you do," said Clary, ignoring his annoyance." You both still love each other, that hasn't changed. You're just having... problems."

"What do you mean by 'all' of us having relationship problems?" Alec asked, his brow furrowing curiously.

"Well Isabelle and Simon are in a pretty complicated situation, I can't really touch Jace without getting singed and you and Magnus are just dealing with a difficult separation," Clary explained simply, ticking off the people with her fingers.

"Maia and Jordan seem to be having it good," Alec muttered. He felt a surge of jealousy for the two werewolves and how they were still perfectly together.

"Yeah well, they are still being threatened by the war just as we are. So they are stressed out too," Clary said.

That was true. Alec was feeling constantly worried about his family, knowing that it was unlikely that he would be able to protect them all no matter how much he'd like to. The war and the threat of it was something he couldn't prevent from happening and that deeply angered him.

"Have you tried to talk to Magnus since?" asked Clary out of nowhere, gazing off in front of them and fiddling with the cover of her sketchpad.

"What would that bring me? He said he didn't want anything to do with us anymore. For all I know he has probably already left the country," Alec sighed, his heart clenching painfully in his chest at the thought.

Even imagining the warlocks empty apartment made him cringe. Magnus wouldn't take it that far, would he? Surely the High Warlock of Brooklyn wouldn't just drop his post and leave? Alec had no way of knowing and he wasn't about to show up on Magnus' doorstep to check.

"It wouldn't hurt," Clary urged on." Maybe the air has calmed between you now and it's time one of you made the first move. It's worth a shot." Her hand disappeared into her pocket to pull out her phone, handing it to Alec.

He stared at it blankly as if he had no idea what to do with it. Taking it gingerly he unlocked the screen and dialled in the number that was oh so familiar to him he knew it better than his own. The call button stared dauntingly back at him, coaxing Alec to press it with his thumb. With another deep breath Alec pressed it, putting the mobile to his ear. He was very aware of Clary watching him with a reassuring and hopeful look but he couldn't feel the effects.

After a few rings Magnus answered." High Warlock of Brooklyn," he said calmly on the other end.

Alec's breath caught in his throat and his mouth refused to produce any words. It opened and closed several times helplessly, only emitting a quiet choking sound. Why hadn't he planned what to say? Why wouldn't any words come out, even if it was just a 'hello'? Clary was still watching him but her expression had changed to one of worry.

"Hello?" Magnus asked, his tone a bit more stern." I don't have time for prank calls so piss off if you haven't got a purpose to call."

Alec felt Clary yank the phone from his hand and press the speaker button, holding it out in front of them." Hi Magnus, it's Clary."

The phone went quiet for a moment and Alec could picture Magnus' shocked expression. When he replied, his voice was tuff and annoyed." Didn't Alec tell you I didn't want to hear from you guys again?"

"He failed to mention that," said Clary, her eyes still locked on Alec.

"Just like he failed to come here and pick up all his stuff. Tell him it will be at the bottom of the stairs tomorrow if he wants to get it back," Magnus replied without emotion. His voice was monotone, very much different from the light and energetic one Alec was used to.

"I'll tell him," Clary sighed.

"Good. You can also tell him to throw away the key he still has since he won't need it anymore. I can always make another copy."

"I'll make sure to mention it next time," Clary paused briefly, seeming to choose her next words carefully," why didn't you call him yourself to tell him?"

This got Magnus by surprise as the other end of the line when silent instantly, the only sound was a sharp intake of breath." because, I didn't feel like talking to him."

"That's a bit immature, don't you think?"

"Darling I'm nearly the definition of immature. If you're quite finished with talking to me then I will go, I have better things to do," Magnus said angrily.

"Won't you at least call him once?" pleaded Clary, but Alec gave her a silent glare, wishing for her to stop. This wasn't going to get him anywhere and he knew it.

"No, you can tell him. Otherwise I'll throw his stuff away. The next dump day is only two days away so it won't be a nuisance for long. A shame really, since I quite enjoy the leather jackets," Magnus said.

"I'll tell him," Clary rushed.

"Good. You might as well tell the others that I won't appreciate these late night calls either," said Magnus." Good night Clary."

"Good night Magnus," Alec said, finally finding his voice.

The line went silent but before Magnus could say anything Clary pushed the end button and the phone screen went black. For a while the two just sat there in the dimness of the gardens, staring at the ground under their feet in silence. Alec was trying to push the pain aside from Magnus' words, repeating to himself to just ignore them. But they hurt, much to Alec's dislike and he felt another piece of his heart slip away.

"I'm sorry Alec," whispered Clary, not looking at him.

"It doesn't matter anymore, I'll get my stuff tomorrow and that'll be the end of it," Alec muttered, shaking his head and rising from the bench." Thanks for at least... trying."

He tried to pull his features into what should have looked like a reassuring smile, but it turned out to be a painful grimace.

"I really know the way to go to get you to hate me," Clary said, looking up at him worriedly.

After a moment, Alec replied," we may have had a rough start but I don't hate you. Good night Clary."

* * *

**DUN DUN DUN!  
Anyway here's the second chapter. I know it's not very long and I whipped it up late at night but meh, who cares. You guys are the ones reading it.  
REVIEW PLEASE! It makes my day since tomorrow is Christmas Eve!**


	3. Breaking Past it

"My help is no longer open to you," Magnus warned in a low and angry tone, glaring at the young looking vampire who sat opposite." I suggest you leave before your problem only increases."

The vampire glared back at him through pale eyes, probably imagining Magnus' death in his mind. But the Warlock couldn't care less. Throughout his afternoon this one client had been continuously bugging him about a werewolf who seemed to be causing a stir up. Even though Magnus had thoroughly explained that he was not a counsellor the vampire had still remained, demanding his services.

Getting up from his seat in a huff, the blood-sucker crossed the room to the door and swung it open with enough force that it chipped the wall.

"Good riddance," Magnus muttered angrily, swigging down the rest of his now cold and bitter coffee, before discarding the paper cup onto the floor with the rest of his neglected garbage. It rolled along the ground and bumped into the stuff garbage bag near the front door.

Magnus' eyes trained after it and fixed onto the bag full of Alec's belongings. After the unexpected phone call last night he had been ruffling around his apartment, turning it upside down in search of all of the young shadowhunter's belongings. At first this task had hurt, adding to the twinge of pain in his heart from hearing Alec's voice over the phone, even if he only said a simple goodbye.

Magnus told himself over and over to let this past and to stop being ridiculous but his body disobeyed him. Against his will he was still moping around in his less fabulously coloured clothing, hardly taking the time to apply all his makeup. It wasn't that he was in too much heart ache; Magnus just didn't feel like it. He got bored easily and often found himself staring off into space for hours.

"Well if this isn't a dump I don't know what is," said a smooth voice from the door.

Magnus looked up to find himself staring at Jace, clothed in his usual black attire. Pale grey rings circled his eyes but they seemed to glow brightly despite the tiredness of his posture. Jace swept the hair from his face like he usually did before sauntering into the apartment.

"When was the last time you tidied?"

"What are you doing here?" Magnus sighed heavily, slumping back into the couch.

"You know we could go on all day answering questions with questions. But unfortunately I don't have the time for that," Jace replied, coming to a stop in front of the warlock." Maryse sent me."

"If the Clave wants a Warlocks help they will have to find it somewhere else because I am done with you Shadowhunters," said Magnus, staring back at Jace with an expression of defiance.

Helping the clave and the Shadowhunters at the Institute had only got him into the war more than what was safe, pushing him into their problems when he already had his own. It bugged Magnus when he thought about it and only put him in a fowler mood when he remembered he had done it all for free.

"I thought you'd say that, but the Clave needs a powerful Warlock so why not the High Warlock of Brooklyn," countered Jace, crossing his arms in front of his chest casually.

"There are a lot more High Warlocks in this world that are only a portal away."

"Yes but then we would have to tell them everything and explain a lot when instead we could already have you, ready for the job," said Jace, his eyebrows raised slightly. His golden eyes flickered over to the bag by the door." What's that?"

"Alec's stuff, take it with you when you leave. What do you need a Warlock for anyway?" Magnus asked, even though he knew it was a stupid question.

Jace smirked, an aggravating movement of his features that Magnus would have loved to swipe away." Oh, you know the usual. Tracking spells, healing, portals and a few other extras."

"Anyone can do that stuff," Magnus said.

"I agree but Maryse wanted you. I don't get why, but I'm just under orders to be here and ask for your services. Oh and there's pay involved," Jace smirked again, retrieving a slip of paper from his jacket pocket and handing it to Magnus." It's quite a lot."

Magnus opened the slip and his eyes flew wide while his breath came out as a whistle through his teeth. He had never thought that the Institute or the Clave would offer that kind of money, it was almost unfair to offer a pay like that to him. But it was war and the Shadowhunters were becoming desperate for help to win. Magnus pocketed the piece of paper and looked back up at Jace who was watching him expectantly.

"When would Maryse like to meet?" he asked casually.

* * *

The sun peaked out over the top of the Institute, its afternoon warmth balancing the temperature of the cool breeze. The weather had improved from the rainy storm the other day and the city seemed to be buzzing with life. Magnus strolled towards the large entry door, his hands buried deep in the pockets of his deep red robe. Usually he wouldn't wear such a non-fashionable item but since he was attending a Clave meeting it seemed necessary.

As he rose up the steps the door opened swiftly and Jace stood on the threshold, his arms crossed over his chest as usual. Today he was wearing casual clothes that fitted him well in all the right places, his shirt stretching over his athletic chest.

"If I should be honest I didn't think you'd come," he said, stepping aside to let Magnus enter. The institute was warm, the air inside comforting like the heat of a fire.

"With that sort of money, who would deny it," Magnus replied, adjusting the hood of his robe so it partially revealed his face. He had attempted in applying so eyeliner today but had lost patience half way though so I only lined his eyes thinly.

Jace smirked again and walked towards the elevator, pressing the button and waiting. Magnus looked around warily, hoping not to spot a pair of blue eyes and black hair watching him. The whole night Magnus had been worrying silently about the possibility of running into Alec at the meeting, pacing his apartment frustratingly until exhaustion had taken over. The elevator doors opened, inviting the two inside. After pushing the floor button it rose steadily, carrying them higher and higher into the Institute.

"Maryse was actually worried you wouldn't come," said Jace, effectively breaking the silence between them as they strolled down the many corridors.

Absently Magnus noticed they were heading in the direction of the library. They passed portraits and closed doors which held vacant rooms behind them. Their footsteps sounded heavily against the floor as they strolled along, Magnus' robe sweeping the ground behind his steps.

"You seem to continuously doubt me," Magnus replied casually, keeping his tone neutral.

They came to an abrupt stop at the library doors where three corridors met. The sound of commotion came from the crack between the doors. Clearly the Clave was already in an important discussion.

"Wait out here," said Jace before he ducked into the room, leaving Magnus outside in the corridor.

The warlock sighed impatiently, shifting on his feet as he waited. Seconds felt like minutes until the sound of footsteps approaching came from his left. Magnus didn't know why he wasn't expecting it when he should have been able to recognise those footsteps from anywhere but when he looked up his breath caught in his throat.

There was Alec, standing in the middle of the hallway in his black Shadowhunter clothes, staring back at Magnus with his wide blue eyes. The same blue eyes which had captivated him when they had first met, the same blue eyes which had stared back at him from between the sheets in the morning light, the same blue eyes that had been filled with pain when Magnus had made one of the hardest decisions ever.

"Magnus?" said Alec, his voice sounding as unbelieving as his eyes looked.

"Good afternoon," Magnus replied as normal as possible, mentally smacking himself for not coming up with anything better.

"What are you doing here?" Alec asked, his brow knotting together in the way that Magnus found adorable. He found everything adorable about the young Shadowhunter.

"I'm attending the Clave meeting, they needed the service of a Warlock," Magnus explained, forcing his voice out of his throat with a large amount of effort.

"Oh," was all Alec said in answer, before approaching Magnus further, his pale skin slightly flushed under the dark strands of hair that hung in the way of his eyes.

For a second Magnus thought Alec was going to hug him and his body tensed to the hardness of a board. But the young Shadowhunter just dodged past him, opening the door of the library and slipping inside soundlessly. Magnus didn't know whether to feel disappointed or relieved, the feelings battling inside his mind and heart. The breath he had unconsciously been holding escaped his mouth in a sigh and his shoulders slumped. What else should he have been expecting? That Alec would have begged him or pleaded to take him back and ask for forgiveness? That the Shadowhunter would have looked at least a little like he had suffered the past days like Magnus had?

Alec's appearance hadn't changed at all except for the length of his hair and the slight grey circles under his eyes that Magnus had noticed on Jace as well. He suspected it was the fault of the approaching war that caused their lack of sleep.

"You can come in now," Jace said, opening the door wide enough for the Warlock to enter.

Magnus strolled in, focusing his eyes of the large table so that they didn't stray around the room in search of the blue eyed teen. No one looked up as he approached; they all seemed to be in a heated discussion about Sebastian. Magnus headed for the vacant seat next to Maryse, pulling it out and settling into the hard wood.

"Thank you for coming Magnus," Maryse said when she noticed his presence.

"Glad to be here," the sarcasm in his voice was evident and one of the Clave members looked at him angrily.

"We were just discussing about where Sebastian could be since Jace has mentioned he had many hide outs. Unfortunately we don't have anything to track from him, which makes our situation all the more difficult," she explained, ignoring his comment." Jace mentioned the places that they visited as well as Clary and we've had them speak to us about Sebastian's plans. So far we have come to no conclusion."

"That boy is one step ahead of us," said a gruff looking man who sat in the middle of the table, his scarred hands clasped together.

"We were ahead of him when we attacked his ceremony," Maryse countered." It was a well strategized plan that worked. We saved Jace and Clary."

"But we didn't succeed in ridding the enemy," the man replied, his voice rising slightly.

Out of the corner of Magnus' eye he sensed movement and turned his head to see Alec shifting in his chair, squaring his shoulders, a glare directed at the man. Magnus nearly smiled at the protectiveness Alec was showing over his mother, but refrained when he caught the sight of Jace smirking at him.

"But we bought time, which gives us the opportunity to plan our next move. Sebastian is bound to pop up sooner or later and when he does, we will be ready," said a middle-aged woman with light hair skimming her shoulders." We have a Warlock now who will help us track Sebastian's movements and help us plan to move in on the enemy."

"You are all relying too much on the power of a Warlock," said the man again, gesturing firmly toward Magnus. His features were pulled into a disapproving scowl which stirred something inside Magnus.

"That Warlock has a name," said a stern voice and Magnus turned to see Alec holding his steady gaze on the Clave member. He avoided Magnus' eyes as if he wasn't even there.

"Alright, Magnus we have set up a room here for you to work in and if you are in need of anything- that is within the law and accords- we will provide it," said Maryse before rising from her chair." That is all there is today, I will send a fire message if we divulge any further information or take any further action," she was about to leave when she spun back to face Alec and Magnus." Alexander, could you show Magnus to the room we have set up for his use?"

For a moment Alec looked like he would simply agree, opening and closing his mouth several times. Finally, with a heavy sigh he answered;" no I can't, I have chores to do up in the weapons room."

Magnus' heart sunk a little before something disturbing occurred to him. Alec had not told his mother of their break up which made Magnus wonder who else knew. It seemed clear that Jace had been let in on this information and Magnus suspected Alec would have confided in his sister as well. Clary knew because of the phone call yesterday and Simon was sure to know.

"I'm sure you could spare a minute or two and plus the room is near the weapo-" Maryse started but she was cut off by Alec's stern voice.

"No I would prefer getting my job over and done with," he rose from his chair stiffly, his shoulder muscles tense as he walked hastily from the library, following his fellow Shadowhunters.

Maryse looked confusedly from the door to Magnus, before turning to Jace who was leaning against the bookshelves lazily." Jace?"

"If I must," Jace sighed, walking towards the door without a glance to see whether or not Magnus was following.

Like before the meeting they turned down many corridors and descended a flight of steps, rounding corners and passing through large doors. Eventually they came to a corridor with three doors, one slightly smaller than the others. Jace pushed through without hesitation and they entered a bright room. It was lit up by the windows that faced the sun which was hanging low in the sky now, signalling the beginning of night. A bench ran along the wall, bending at the corner of the dark maple walls and ending before the windows. A large space lay in the middle, big enough for a family table and chairs to be fitted in. A pile of books sat on the bench, varying from spells to other topics written in different languages.

"Mum had the stuff brought up here today from the library, she spent ages digging around for information," Jace said absently, looking around the room." Stay as long as you want, the kitchen isn't too far from here if you're hungry but I bet you'll just snap your fingers if you need anything. Feel free to use the library, but be careful 'cause Alec likes to read. Have fun."

And with that he left, closing the door behind him with a click. Sighing heavily Magnus opened one of the books and began to flick through the pages.

* * *

Alec stared down at the polished seraph blade in his hand fixatedly, turning it over and over in his fingers. The weapon felt so comforting and reassuring in his hands, almost like a Teddy bear for a small child. The amount of times Alec had held a seraph blade in his hands was uncountable, but the feeling never got old. It was like a switch would flick inside him and his body would start to warm up and move, like the freshly oiled cogs of a clock. The adrenaline only added to the energy he gained while hunting, the electric like jolts pumping his blood and bones, fuelling him on.

Bringing his arm back Alec hurled the blade in the throwing fashion of a spear towards the closest target, watching it sail through the air and stab its target slightly off the centre point. Earlier in the day Alec had been in the exact same spot throwing knives again, trying to practice his aim. At around about lunch time the knives and daggers had been hitting their targets but he still missed the middle every time, as if there was an invisible force protecting it.

Alec didn't know what fuelled him to train more often than he was used to and he would brood on the thought for hours while running the course. Maybe it was because it took his mind off the oncoming war and of the dreams he was having lately. Maybe it also dulled the throbbing pain in his heart at the thought of Magnus, which had only increased when his blue eyes had set on the cat eyes that afternoon.

At first Alec had been shocked to see Magnus at the institute, so shocked his mind had gone blank and left him without a clue of how to handle it. The Warlock said he wouldn't be helping the Shadowhunters any time soon near the war, but now Alec thought, he'd clearly gone back on that.

Taking the knife from its holder, Alec threw it in lightening speed at the next target, hitting it on the second line. _Progress._

"You know, if you want to take your anger out on something I suggest you go find a defenceless demon," said a familiar voice from the boards above Alec's head.

He didn't even bother to see who it was before answering." Something with talons isn't defenceless."

Jace flipped onto the ground gracefully, a movement Alec would have once found mesmerizing. But after meeting Magnus, that had all changed.

"Yeah well, it would give you something else to do instead of moping around here all the time," Jace said while straightening himself up.

"I'm not moping."

"Yes you are."

"Training constantly isn't moping, I'm preparing myself for this war," Alec argued, his shoulders tensing. They had been doing that a lot lately, he noticed.

"We could always spar?" Jace offered with a lazy shrug." That was always fun. Take your anger out on me." he opened his arms, gesturing to himself.

Any other time Alec would have tackled his _parabatai_ to the ground in a wrestling frenzy, fighting until they both collapsed with exhaustion. But times were different now, with the war approaching and the constant threat against the shadow world. The fire was still within Jace and the Silent Brothers had still not discovered anything about its power.

With a shake of his head Alec turned away from his brother and walked back over to the weapon shelf, picking up the polish and a knife." It would be better not to."

Jace huffed angrily," you can't let this break up between you and Magnus get in the way of everything."

"It's not," Alec growled, his voice low and threatening.

"Uh yes it is. You avoid everyone as best as you can, peeking around corridors and not attending dinner because you're 'too busy'. Do you think we haven't noticed? That our brother is training harder and spending his time away from his family to avoid awkward questions when he should be around them every minute," Jace said, his voice sharp like glass." Who knows if we'll all make it out of this? It's a pretty slim chance of having the whole family survi-"

"You think that thought hasn't occurred to me?! That I haven't seen the images of my dead family in my dreams," Alec exploded, spinning to face Jace with clenched fists." I have been training harder to take my mind off those things and become stronger. I need to be able to protect Isabelle and mum and dad and you! And I have already failed as a big brother, look at what happened to Max-"

"What happened to Max was everybody's fault, not just yours," Jace said, glaring back at Alec." None of us were there to protect him or Isabelle so that makes it everybody's fault. But I mostly blame Sebastian, and that's why we are in this war. Because of him."

Silence fell between the two, neither speaking a word as they stared each other down. Alec was breathing raggedly, his chest rising and falling. His fists unclenched and clenched, his biceps twitching angrily. The light was fading from the room as the sun lowered from the sky, sinking behind the surrounding city buildings.

The far door clicked open and Isabelle's head popped in, her dark hair tied back into a ponytail. She looked between her two brothers quizzically, her finely plucked brow creasing slightly.

"Mum wants to see you in the infirmary Jace, one of the Silent Brothers has come to check on you," said Isabelle, stepping into the room.

With a heavy sigh Jace passed her and walked out, shutting the door firmly behind him. Isabelle looked back to Alec, the worry contained but evident in her dark eyes." You ok?"

"Yeah, just fine," Alec began to polish the blades again, placing them in perfect order on the holding table.

"You know, you can hear quite a bit from down the corridor," said Isabelle as she moved up next to him and took dagger to polish.

"Oh," Alec replied neutrally, hardly paying attention to his sister.

His mind was reeling over too many things to even concentrate on one. The war, Sebastian, his family, the demons, the clave, Jace and the fire, the silent brothers and finally... Magnus. He wondered if the Warlock was still inside the Institute, assisting his mother and the Clave in the search for their enemy. He wouldn't be surprised though if Magnus had retired to his apartment for the day.

"You could just talk to him," Isabelle sighed, leaning against the table and watching her brother with steady eyes.

"To who?" asked Alec, surfacing from his thoughts.

"To Santa Claus, who do you think? Magnus of course," Isabelle rolled her eyes." He's just down the hall an-"

"What makes you think he wants to see me?" Alec sped up in his polishing, taking only seconds to clean each sharp blade to shining perfection.

"I don't know, he's obviously helping the Clave because of you."

Alec turned to look at his sister." Do you know how much they are paying him?"

Isabelle shook her head, her black ponytail swinging to and fro.

"A hundred per hour he spends flipping the pages of those books. Does that sound like he's helping the Clave because of me?" Alec asked bitterly, his tongue tasting the horrible flavour the thought caused in his mouth. He had the odd urge to gag.

Isabelle was silent for a while, twirling a dagger the size of a child's hand expertly between her fingers. Alec continued to polish every silver blade until there was none left, so he proceeded to clean and order the swords. These days they hardly used the heavy weapons since it was more convenient to carry a lighter metal. But the Clave kept them at the institute for precaution, in case they needed them.

"Just talk to him," Isabelle repeated her earlier words." It would make everything easier."

Angered, Alec straightened his back and set his jaw. The constant rage he felt inside his mind and body confused him, as he had only felt it when Clary had first arrived and when Magnus had been avoiding him." if I went to talk to him I would only be getting in his and the Clave's way, which would get me into a lot of trouble. That's if Magnus didn't run away first."

"You're being ridiculous," Isabelle muttered under her breath, her voice barely higher than a whisper.

"What are you trying to achieve exactly Izzy?" Alec asked impatiently, his anger rising a little.

"I'm just trying to help you. Jace is right about you avoiding us and moping around the Institute, it isn't right," she replied, her own anger rising, her dark eyes burning his.

"I don't need looking after, I'm the older brother. Older brother's are there to protect their younger siblings from harm and that is exactly what I am trying to do here!" Alec yelled.

Isabelle looked taken aback for a moment, but it quickly shot past before her own anger and hurt took over her, pushing her forward so that she was standing closer to her brother." But by doing that you are ruining yourself and hiding from us! soon enough you'll have to sop avoiding us and sticking to the shadows where you think no one will notice you! Soon enough you'll have to face Magnus whether either of you like it or not because this is stupid! You're letting a break up change you!"

"IT'S BECAUSE I LOVE HIM!" Alec shouted at the top of his lungs, his voice ripping out of his throat and stinging the backs of his eyes, forcing tears to blur his vision. He would not cry." You don't know what it feels like to lose someone like that, knowing that they will eventually move on from you and find someone better! You don't know how it feels to see them just as happy without you and not being able to touch them, just because you yourself stuffed it up!"

Against his will and every fibre in his body a salty tear slipped from Alec's eyelid and rolled down his cheek, dropping off his jaw and into his black gear. He hastily wiped it away, rubbing his eyes with the sleeve of his shirt to get rid of the other tears before they could not fall away. But they kept coming, the tear in his heart and ache in his chest spilling them out of his blue eyes.

Isabelle stood in front of him with sympathy and worry sweeping over her feminine features. Alec had expected her to look hurt by his words but instead she moved forward, opening her arms and encasing him in her perfume stained body. They stood together in silence, speaking to each other without words and understanding the other through years of love. After a few minutes the tears faded and Alec pulled away, walking towards the door without a glance back. He knew Isabelle would understand his need to just be alone, but eventually she would seek him out again.

But until then, Alec just wanted to take a very long, hot shower.

**You're very welcome for another chapter J I spent my time on this just for yoouuu..  
I NEED TO KNOW SOMETHING VERY IMPORTANT! I WOULD LIKE YOU TO **VOTE** IF YOU WOULD LIKE TESSA TO VISIT Magnus OR NOT BECAUSE I KNOW SHE WILL BE IN CITY OF HEAVENLY FIRE! I NEED OPINIONS! ****Thank you J**


	4. Surviving

**A ****_WARNING_**** this does have "The Infernal Devices" spoilers in it, sort of. So don't read if you don't want spoilers, thank you.**

_Magnus gazed lazily across the canary yellow sheets, a content smile pulling at his mouth. Beside him Alec was chuckling slightly, lying with his back on the bed and his head turned away from Magnus while the Warlock's arm slung limply over his bare waist, his finger caressing the skin. Alec's hair was ruffled up, sticking out in all directions from the abuse of his pillow during the night._

_"You're giggling like a little girl," Magnus murmured, rubbing his head further into his own pillow._

_Alec turned his head back to Magnus, his blue eyes fixing onto the Warlock happily." Stop tickling me," he laughed, batting Magnus' hand away._

_"Now why would I do that?" he asked, raising an eyebrow quizzically._

_Alec only shrugged with a crooked grin before lowering his gaze to their entwined hands. He pulled at Magnus' perfectly manicured fingers, his eyebrows drawn in concentration as he studied the fine nail polish design. His boyfriend watched him closely, taking in every small feature, every slight change of emotion. Alec fascinated him in a way he couldn't explain but it intoxicated him like alcohol. The Shadowhunters blue eyes and black hair were a very unique combination and were of course, Magnus' favourite. But what really drew him in was the bone deep innocence about the boy. The way Alec saw others and the world itself, regarding it in a peculiar way._

_"What?" asked Alec, noticing Magnus' cat-eyed gaze._

_"Nothing," murmured Magnus tiredly, gliding over the sheets to get closer._

_Alec watched him with an adorable smile before returning his concentration back to their hands." Do you always get a manicure to match the holidays or seasons?"_

_"Of course, especially if I'm going to throw a party for that holiday or season," Magnus grinned," it completes my outfit."_

_Alec nodded distractedly, his blue-eyed gaze flitting onto the ceiling. A moment of silence fell between the two, wrapping them into a tight blanket that wasn't at all uncomfortable._

_"You know, the sun coming through the windows like that reminds me of Paris," Magnus smirked, catching Alec's immediate blush before the boy rolled away from him and hid his face behind the pillow and his rune inked arms. _

_"I thounfjd wednhf nevhf brinfh thadfh upfh aganfh," Alec mumbled, his voice stifled by the fabric._

_"I'm sorry, didn't quite catch that," Magnus mocked, his grin nearly splitting his face._

_"I thought we'd never bring that up again," Alec said more clearly although his face was still hidden._

_"Hmm I can still remember what you said to me the morning after," the Warlock wiggled his eyebrows suggestively." It was quite the shock to hear something like that come from your angel mouth."_

_"Hmpf."_

_"Aww Darling, it was very sexy," Magnus laughed, spotting the tips of Alec's ears which had turned bright red." Are you blushing?"_

_"Stopfh," said Alec, swinging a pillow at Magnus' head._

_The Warlock ducked easily and grinned wider, moving closer to Alec's head to whisper in his boyfriend's ear." That's not what you said last night. Didn't it sound something lik-"_

_"I swear by the angel if you finish that sentence," Alec warned, raising his bright red face to glare at Magnus._

_Stifling a laugh, the warlock leaned in further." You're so adorable when you're embarrassed darling," he whispered." My Angel."_

The cold sheets spread out across the mattress, crumpled and messed. The blanket was pulled down to his waist, making him shiver from the cold that cloaked his room. But despite the cold a sprinkle of sweat dotted his bronze skin, caused by the shock of his dream. Magnus had expected something like this to happen but as the days had gone by it had seemed less and less likely. But the dream had felt so real, like a warm shower after standing in the icy rain, that he had believed it.

Now he lay awake in the early hours of the morning, staring out of his slightly opened curtains at the city beyond, his heart tearing slightly. The memory was so vivid, a permanent mark inside his mind that no matter how hard he tried, Magnus would never get rid of it. Nor any of the others like it.

* * *

"This cannot go on further!" a bearded Shadowhunter shouted from the end of the table, his voice projecting out and around the walls of the library." That Warlock has helped us no further! You are paying him too much for the pathetic job he is doing! We have figured nothing out, nor have we discovered any information on Mr Morgenstern's location!"

"You are being ridiculous!" Maryse shouted right back, her spine straight and shoulders tense while she stared daggers back at her fellow Clave member." It has only been three days and so far I have been keeping a close eye on him. He is doing all he can!"

"If 'doing all he can' means wasting our time and money while Morgenstern is planning on moving against the Clave- possibly already raising an army- then we might as well give up!"

"That is enough. You two have been shouting at each other for the last half hour. This is time wasting. Godfrey, if you have any further suggestions, speak up. Or have you just been denying our plans because you haven't come up with your own?" Alec asked from where he sat beside his mother, his hands clenching the arm rests.

The older man glared at him before the discussion was continued." You aren't helping either, Boy. You should be training and not sitting here where your opinion doesn't matter the least."

"Don't talk to my son like that!" Maryse growled.

After higher security on the Institute had been organised, the clave members left, leaving Alec, Maryse and Jocelyn behind.

"Alec do you know if Isabelle went out on a hunt?" Maryse asked her son, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear in annoyance.

"I haven't seen her or Jace all day," he replied quietly.

Alec felt out of place. He shuffled his feet awkwardly, gazing at the ground beneath his worn sneakers. Alec wished he hadn't decided to attend the meeting since it only made him feel worse the longer he listened to the arguing. He brushed a hand through his messy hair, trying to straighten the pillow abused strands. But none of this really changed the painful feeling that was growing bigger by the minute inside his chest.

With a last awkward nod he exited the library, his feet dragging along the ground miserably. Lately he hadn't known what to do with his time since training only made him mad when he didn't hit the targets. Jace was hardly ever around anymore, mostly under the watchful minds of the Silent Brothers. Isabelle seemed to be slipping away slowly as well, disappearing more often without telling anybody where she intended to go.

"Alec wait up!" a feminine voice called from behind him, affectively halting his heavy stride.

Alec turned on his heel to see Jocelyn hurrying towards him with a young girl by her side, her brown curly hair bouncing over her slim shoulders. When they stopped in front of him she smiled politely, her grey eyes flicking over his face, raising a small blush to his cheeks.

"I'd like you to meet Tessa Grey," Jocelyn said, gesturing to Tessa beside her." she's visiting the Institute for the day and is an old friend from a few here, including Magnus."

Was this another person from Magnus' past that he didn't know about? Hadn't Camille mentioned some of them? London? Maybe she's connected with Will? Alec flicked through all the possibilities in his mind. Magnus was bisexual, so is it possible that they were together at some point?

"Tessa this is Alec, one of the Clave and Maryse's eldest son," Jocelyn said.

"It's nice to meet another Lightwood," Tessa smiled genuinely, stretching out a delicate hand to shake his.

Alec took it hesitantly, muttering _' it's nice to meet you too'_ under his breath. Many emotions were conflicting inside of him, varying from strong curiosity to faint jealousy and envy as well as sadness. Tessa must have known so much about Magnus, all the details on his hidden past, all the things he never told Alec. He had a burning urge to ask millions of questions, but held back, not wishing to exit his secluded circle.

"Well I think we should go find the others, they'll be glad to see you," said Jocelyn, before nodding her head in Alec's direction and turning to lead Tessa away.

Once they were out of sight Alec turned and sprinted up the stairs, taking them two- sometimes three- at a time. His heart was racing in his chest, beating pain through his body as he pushed on. Alec just needed to be alone, a chance to recuperate.

Eventually he found himself between the plants of the green house, sitting on the same bench that he had with Clary the night they had rung Magnus. His mind was reeling over Tessa and Magnus and all the possibilities of the time they shared together. Did Magnus once love her like Alec loved him? Was she here to try and get back together with him just like Camille had partially attempted while in the Sanctuary?

With an unknown sudden urge Alec pulled his phone from his pocket Alec scrolled through his many contacts, until he reached Magnus' name. Throughout the past few days Alec had constantly found himself back here, staring at Magnus' number with his thumb hovering over the call button. Sometimes he would let it ring, while other times he would just stuff it back into his pocket angrily.

"What's the point in trying?" he muttered to himself petulantly." By the Angel I'm being pathetic."

"Finally realised huh?" said a snide voice from beside him.

"Jace, what are you doing here? I thought the Silent Brothers were still-"

"No way am I going to hang around those creeps all day when I could be doing more productive things. Like hanging out with my girlfriend or my brother. Isabelle ran off after I started teasing her so she's off the list and I thought I might come here since the flowers would hopefully put the brothers off," said Jace as he came to stand next to Alec, crossing his arms over his chest.

"Well what do you want to do?" Alec asked.

"We could go on a hunt? I've been needing to stretch my legs."

"A hunt it is."

* * *

"That boy didn't look anything like Gideon or Gabriel, well apart from the usual good looks," said Tessa while she sat in the chair of the Institutes library." And his sister included, they're quite different from what I remember of the Lightwood family."

"Yeah well, Gabriel and his father weren't the nicest of people and neither is Robert, but one tends to pass on that," Magnus replied distractedly, scanning the spines of the books in front of him.

"What really got me were they eyes and the hair on him, blue and black... just like Will," Tessa sighed heavily.

"Yes, it's a strange combination," said Magnus, pulling one of the books from its shelves and flicking through the pages.

"He looked very awkward standing there in his own skin," said Tessa absently, as if the words were just slipping from her mouth while her mind took no part in the conversation.

Wanting to drop the topic of Alec, Magnus didn't reply, instead he continued to flip through the pages of the old books, his cat eyed gaze scanning the words and pictures. But none of them stayed and they turned into crazy squiggles with no meanings. For the past four hours Magnus had been in the library searching over and over for the one spell book that the Clave had not supplied. He supposed they had hoped he would do a clean job but magic always came with a price.

"Have you heard about Camille?"

This question caught him off guard and Magnus swung around immediately, his brow knitting together as he pursed his lips." What about her?"

"She was murdered by a Fledgling at the place she was hiding a few days ago. I heard some of the Clave talking about it as they were making their way out of the Institute," Tessa answered.

"Murdered?" _by a Fledgling?_ That news could not possibly be true. Camille was an experienced vampire; hundreds of years old who had seen the world grow up before herself. There was no possible way for a newly born vampire to have killed her.

Despite himself, Magnus felt a slight dull pain in his chest. Although it was a small ache it was still noticeable, and Camille's beautiful face appeared in his mind's eye. He had once assumed he loved her, but it could have easily been a misunderstanding as he had now _truly_ experienced love.

With this thought his mind changed direction, shooting up an image of Alec smiling. Did he know about Camille? It was about the right time frame as the day when... when it happened. But surely Alexander would have told him? After all, the boy knew he used to be close to Camille. Magnus felt the sudden urge to rush to Alec and ask him personally but he knew that wouldn't turn out well for neither of them and so far he had been avoiding Alec as best as he could.

"Magnus? Magnus are you ok?" asked Tessa who had stood up from her chair, a worried expression plain on her features. They were still the same as they had been the first time he had met her when she was in her normal form. But there was a distant sadness to her eyes, a loneliness that couldn't be filled. A space only for Will and Jem.

"Yeah fine, just a shock that's all," he replied, returning to searching for the spell book.

Tessa watched him carefully, eyeing the tense shoulder muscles and guarded expression." I'm sorry about Camille. I knew it would affect you somehow, even if it was a distant way."

Magnus only sighed, his long fingers coming to rest on the worn spine of a dusty book, stroking it gently. He had been slightly shocked at first when Tessa had entered the room, grinning at him. it felt great to have a friend again, one that was easier to confide in, but right now, Magnus only wished for her to leave him alone. Not leave permanently, but only to give him a few hours of peace to let him deal with his emotions.

Just then a rush of thudding footsteps past the doors, accompanied by frantic voices and desperate calls. Tessa looked over at Magnus and their eyes met for a moment before both of them strode to peer out the doors. Magnus caught a glimpse of golden blonde hair and a feminine figure before the group rounded the corner.

"That doesn't look good," Tessa whispered from beside Magnus, her eyes wide and weary." I swear I saw blood."

"They must have been out on a hunt and got injured," said Magnus." They'll come and ask for help if they need it."

"Isn't it strange to be strange to be in the same building constantly as your ex?"

Magnus swung around, his cat-eyed gaze fixing on the ground as he walked back to the shelf. He remained quiet, not knowing the best answer to her question. Of course it was strange but Magnus always had conflicted feelings about if it was good or not. He didn't know if being near Alexander was better or worse or what he would do if he was to come across him in an empty corridor or something.

"Jocelyn sort of hinted at it and Maryse only confirmed it. When I saw him earlier he shied away from me when Jocelyn mentioned we were old friends," Tessa went on cautiously, speaking in a low voice as if she was urging a child to admit the truth.

"I assisted them in a heap of problems and we were together for a while. I managed to get him out of his closet and he admitted to being gay in front of the entire Clave," Magnus' mouth quirked at the memory of Alec kissing him in front of everyone in the accords hall in Idris.

"Did you love him?"

"I-," Magnus paused, thinking." Yes I did. I loved him enough to give him my heart on a platter, only to have it stabbed and returned half as good as it once was."

"_He _broke _your_ heart?" Tessa asked, exaggerating the 'your'." How?"

"We were travelling together when I was summoned back here by the Clave urgently. They had captured Camille but she said she would only speak to me. At the time Alexander had thought I was only into men, but meeting Camille revealed my liking for both genders," said Magnus, leaning his back against the bookshelf casually and crossing his arms in front of his chest." I don't know exactly when the greater problems started but seeing Camille awakened something inside him and he became more silent. At first I thought it was a passing stage since I was his first boyfriend but it continued on. One day I got a letter from Camille, telling me that Alec and her had been meeting up at an abandoned train station and that Alexander had been planning to take away my immortality."

Tessa's gasp was audible enough for Magnus to hear and he smiled sourly, his features pulling themselves into a grimace. He remembered waking up that morning to an empty bed, how betrayed he had felt. His sweet, quiet, adorable Alexander had wanted to shorten his life for his own selfish reasons.

"Why would he want to do that?"

Magnus shrugged heavily, his arms weighing his shoulders down like bricks." I don't know. Jealousy?"

"Did you give him time to explain?"

Magnus was about to answer when he stopped. The words he had wanted to say were 'yes I did'. But that would have been telling a lie. Flashing back to that horrible day Magnus could not remember hearing Alec out, only cutting the boy off to break both of their hearts. Every time Alexander had tried to explain Magnus had stopped him, throwing his own words back.

"You didn't, did you?" Tessa said knowingly, straightening her back." Oh Magnus, what have you done?"

Before he could reply a wave of voices came from outside again, gradually getting louder as they came nearer. The voices sounded worn, but they carried anger and agitation to them.

"I can't believe you'd take him on a hunt when you knew for a fact that his skills have been off lately! We've both seen it!"

"It was a moment of stupidity and I couldn't fight the urge to leave the Institute! Alec needed to get out anyway!"

"Yes but you can go outside without nearly getting your chest torn in half! He could have been killed Jace!"

"I know that! And I blame myself for it!"

Magnus' body went rigid and he stood staring at the door, wishing he could see through it. He knew those voices well and they were just as frantic as last time. Someone was hurt. Someone was dying. _Alexander._

**I hope you guys liked this and I love reviews cause they make me smile and want to write more so.. yeah.  
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